Better together

I’ve been sitting on this post for awhile, eager to share the news that I am now offering birth support in partnership with the fabulous Meagan Thompson of About Birth!!

Photo by Kelly Hieronymus

Meagan has been a doula since 2017, supporting well over 100 clients with nearly 50 different providers. She’s calm, considerate, smart as can be, and a wonderful asset to the birth community. She’s one of the premier doulas in our area and I’m so thrilled to be in this partnership with her.

Why hire two doulas?

For clients, the benefit is pretty sweet—you essentially get two doulas for the price of one. Both Meagan and I attend all prenatal meetings and stay in contact with you the entire pregnancy. You get the experience, knowledge, viewpoint, and awareness of two doulas throughout your pregnancy. There’s no playing catch-up with either of us—we both stay apprised of ALL clients, offering suggestions and resources along the way.

Once labor starts, the doula on call (we rotate weekly) will attend your birth. By meeting with both of us throughout pregnancy, you can be assured that the attending doula is someone you’re fully comfortable with and who knows what your goals are. Whichever doula attends the birth will also attend the postpartum meeting with you. That way, that doula knows exactly what happened during the labor and can debrief with you; you can speak honestly and openly with someone who was witness to the entire experience. No need to worry about trying to explain a play-by-play on three hours of sleep with cracked nipples.

And for doulas?

For doulas, the partnership model is very magical. This work is emotionally and mentally heavy, even when everything goes “right.” Carrying the energy and emotions of someone in labor is no small feat. The act of “holding space” may look on the surface like simply sitting, but whewww it is SO much more than that. Holding space is an active effort, staying engaged and open and mindful; we are switched “on” when we’re holding space, even in the silence and stillness. We’re running through checklists—have you peed recently? what other positions could we try? how is this coping strategy working? which nurse will be on night-shift? has dad-to-be gotten a decent meal yet? are you staying limp and loose with each contraction? am i locking my knees standing here?—as we survey the space for any unmet needs. We’re keeping the energy just right for what you need. We’re opening our hearts and minds, granting that unspoken (or sometimes spoken!) permission to feel what you need to feel and do what you need to do. The birth space is wholly sacred and full of raw vulnerability; as space-holders, we keep this space magical and comfortable for you.

This emotional work is so fulfilling (we LOOOVE what we do) yet also requires us to take care of ourselves. That whole saying about pouring from an empty cup rings very true—we have to take care of ourselves in order to care for you. Between the emotional, energetic load and the physical load (hours upon hours of hip squeezes! not sleeping for 48 hours! surviving on trail mix and fruit snacks!), this work is tough. Ask any doula about the birth hangover; it takes a good solid day or more to fully recover from a birth. Having a go-to person to rely on when you need a backup is necessary. While it certainly has happened that we have to go from one birth straight to another, we can give our best support when we can tag in a rested and refreshed doula while we take care of ourselves.

Additionally, because of the nature of birth, this work is very difficult to plan around. We live our lives on-call, meaning that for roughly 4-5 weeks per client, we’re on edge, waiting for that exciting call that labor has started. That sounds doable until you realize that in order to make a living, you need multiple clients every month. Multiply that on-call window by 3-4 clients per month, every month, and you quickly realize that you’re on call for the next six+ months solid. That’s six+ months of staying within 30 minutes of town, saying no to spontaneous weekend trips, worrying about not being able to make it to that doctor’s appointment you booked last year, knowing you might miss your kid’s birthday party, not being able to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, and waking up anxiously throughout the night, worried you missed the call.

Being on-call is an unavoidable part of this work and without our own coping strategies to deal with the anxiety and exhaustion it can bring, burnout is very real. This work has a notoriously high burnout rate and the most common reason cited seems to be the demand of living on-call all the time. As birthworkers, we want to give so much of ourselves to our clients, often not even aware that we’re running on fumes until we fall apart.

Partnership is a beautiful lifeline in these often choppy seas. Partnership means that we not only have another doula as a steady back-up but also as a source of support; having someone else to shoulder the emotional, informational, and physical load with is absolutely vital. And as helpful and wonderful as friends or loved ones may be, having someone who gets it is invaluable.

“Sharing the load—emotionally, physically, and on our calendars—allows us to continue doing this crucial work long term.”

Being able to sustain this work is so important to both of us. People will continue having babies until the end of times; those people giving birth will continue to need support that entire time. By finding ways to sustain ourselves in this work, we’re able to support more pregnant folks. We’re also able to network, mentor, educate, and encourage others in this same field. New little babydoulas need steady, satisfied, and supported old timers to look up to—I know this because I was there myself. And the fact that I’m now considered a senior doula at only three years in is telling; far too many burnout before they make it to this point.

I am more than happy to talk to other doulas thinking of working in partnerships. There are pros and cons to working solo, in partnership, or for an agency, and it is a personal decision which way one wants to take their business. For Meagan and I, this partnership model feels like the sweet spot of maintaining our own identities and brands while being able to share this effort and maintain a healthy work/life balance. This is new and exciting and fun to figure out and gives me a feeling of deep security for being able to continue down this birthy path for a very long time.